American Made

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Are American parents failing?  Do we nurture less successfully than other countries?  On ABC’s Good Morning America the author Pamela Druckerman was interviewed for her book Bringing up Bebe about the art of french parenting.  The conversation discussed how the Tiger mom and the French mom think American parents are raising lazy offspring by hyper parenting.

Are American children more entitled? I have no idea what the statistics are or if those stats are a true measure of American nurturing.  I have observed American parents who tailor their parenting to the needs of their offspring.  Even if offspring do not have special needs, each child has unique needs.

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My daughter was asked if she had ever been grounded; she said no.  The other kids asked why.  I tailor make consequences for each offense, grounding is too general.  I prefer to take away privileges and assign work tasks as well as discuss the behavior in hopes the offspring will see the value in behaving.  I have observed other parents doing the same.

Thrival for the American parent includes balance.  America is a salad bowl of different cultures and parenting styles. We can all learn from each other, if we want to thrive we need to keep learning and retailoring our nurturing to fit the situations that arise.

May you each thrive in your American Made nurturing.

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About jjbailey

Professional Parent, Author, creative homemaker, and endangered species.
This entry was posted in My Life as an Endangered Species, Nurturing, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to American Made

  1. Betty Paulson says:

    As the mother of six nearly grown children ranging in age from 18 to 34, four girls and two boys, operator of a daycare business for seven of those parenting years and grandmother of nearly twelve, I know that experience does bring wisdom. As helpful as personal experience is though, one does not need to wait for a lifetime of raising children to gain this wisdom. There are so many wonderful, abundant and free resources for parenting education in modern times. Its not the hit and miss of years past where parents simply repeated the patterns of their parent’s parenting which were often simply “knee-jerk” reactions. There is simply no excuse for poor parenting for parents of average intelligence.

    Consequences need to fit the infraction as well as the stage of development. The goal is always to help the child in his character developent and not create resentment and ill-will. Prime is to keep the relationship between parent and child loving and respectful, preferably including simple touch and daily relaxed converstion. Then when the inevitable separation comes, often with its withdrawal from boys and verbal sparring from girls, the child finds it very difficult to rebel against someone who touches him regularly and tells him/her how valuable they are and how loved and makes time to discuss their lives with them. It is most likely in such a scenario that the infraction can be discussed quietly and reasonably using “I” messages.

    Recently, when our 18 year old son left for the evening, I told him, “Please drive carefully. As much as I need breathing to live, I need you far more than that.” I often just go up and hug him and say “You are such a fine boy. I am so proud of the way you are conducting your life.” In return, he admires the way I live my life and is a member of my “fan” club as I am his.

    Because he is in “separation mode” there are times when I must remind him about his “tone” with me. One occasion comes to mind when I had mentioned it to him several times using “I” messages. After a few days he told me. “Mom, I started to listen to myself, and you are right. My tone wasn’t right”. He made adjustments. The nice thing is, because of our “touching” history (appropriate for a mother/son relationship) we are never more than a day away from a time when we can sit down together and have our frequent evening talk. Also, (and we have discussed this) we both feel that because he is abe to get simple appropriate touching from his mother, he is not so starved for the simplest touch (long gone in some parent/teen relationships and yet needed for reassurance of love and psyche well-being) as some teens are, that he enters into a potentially harmful physical relationship with a young lady just to get that feeling of conection so enjoyed as a baby and child.

    Prevention is better than the cure. Once simple touch is lost in a parent/child relationship, (due often to additional children joining the family and mom becoming “enamored” with the baby and her touching needs being bombarded) it can become difficult to reestablish. This is especially true of teen girls in “separation mode” who often find mother so tedious and so “uncool” that touching would be totally unacceptable. The danger here is that the teen girl (who is making herself so unloveable, yet still needing to know that she is loved and who still needs you to reach out to her even if she feels the need to spurn you!) turns to a young man to satisy her need for simple touch. Just know that if you have otherwise been a good parent, the child is sure of your love and values have been “caught”, not just taught, the relationship will normally be whole not long after the teen leaves home even if you are (perish the thought) relieved to see them leave.

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