Sometimes life doesn’t give us lemons it gives us porcupine quills, painful and irritating.
How do we decrease our irritability towards others we nurture?
Children whining, elder loved ones demanding this or that–the stresses of life pound upon us. Add pain and we have a toxic concoction of irritation. Have you ever had a rash that made your skin itch so much you wanted to cut the skin off? Have you had skin reactions that burn, itch, and welt? The discomfort could drive the Dalai Llama to insanity. Sometimes those we nurture create emotional or mental irritation–or our perception of them creates the irritation. Instead of burning, itching and welts you are angry, cranky, and intolerant.
In recent experiences I have concluded in order for me to become a less irritating old person I need to practice now while I’m young(ish). If we learn to be less irritating, we’ll be less irritated (law of attraction theory should apply . . . I hope). Here are things we nurturers can change:
1. Avoid telling loved ones what to do. Frame your requests in the form of a question and bite your tongue (mine is quite cut up from all the biting and holding).
2. Spend time meditating on unconditional love at least one minute, three times a day (okay, maybe I get five minutes just before I go to sleep–its something).
3. Appreciate verbally each person in your immediate family daily; others as available.
4. Role play in the mirror how to receive criticism and give it (see How to Hug a Porcupine; Dealing with Toxic and Difficult to Love Personalities by Dr. John Lewis Lund, www.drlund.com).
5. Ask God to change your heart and help you be less irritating to others.
When I was reading Dr. Lund’s book I was hoping to learn how to deal with toxic personalities but I soon realized the greater toxicity was in myself. Shedding my quills is an ongoing process essential to my nurturer thrival. I hope that when I’m an old woman I can be kind, loving, and patient.
May you be blessed as you deal with quills and other irritations in your live.