Nurturing has its challenges and we often call surprising actions weird, such as the green and purple streaks in your son’s friends hair when really we mean, “My how creative you are. What possessed you to be brave?” As nurturers we yell to the heavens, “This person (name is usually inserted here) is driving me crazy!” Or, “Call me crazy, I let my children eat marshmallows in bed.” (Not really on the last that would be dangerous). We even proclaim ourselves insane as we deal with stress and mess. Most of these classifications are in jest. Yet many nurturers truly suffer from various phobias, diagnoses, disorders and mental wellness challenges.
I confess, I spend many hours a day trying not to go round the bend and have to be carted off to a psychiatric hospital (I appreciate all the times my husband and children have not called in the guys in white coats, if they still wear white coats, maybe they have switched to leisure suits). It may sound like I’m joking so here’s me coming out of the mental illness closet: I deal with mental health everyday. I experience various symptoms daily around the year ranging from anxiety disorder, depression, and insomnia. My body has experienced chronic illness ranging from the above mental health issues to chronic digestive, urological, endocrine, fatigue, immune-including allergies and sensitivities, inflammation and others. I’ve had very dark days (which lead to nights where I could have sponsored midnight cat rodeos but I’m allergic to cats)and even months of heaviness and darkness. I’ve tried medications, nutritional support, herbal remedies and been to various health professionals. Lifestyle medicine (nutrition, holistic, etc) works best for me. I love neuroscience and all the ways our brains and bodies can heal if we support them. If I would have taken the traditional medical route exclusively I would be dead or institutionalized. I do not confess this to sell books (although that would be lovely if I could) or sell you a list of things to do to enhance and heal your life. I know there is no one size fits all. I say this because I am brave and God as blessed me with the courage to overcome the shame and guilt I have experienced for years in dealing with the Depths. I say this to inspire you to come out, feel the sunlight, take some steps into a new path where you can live with, manage, lessen, and even eliminate those symptoms (they are not diseases but symptoms of imbalance in the body and I’m not the only crackpot who says so). Play, create happiness, embrace the bullet train and ride it James Bond style into the unknown. After all darkness is just space with oxygen where you don’t have to wear a cool astronaut suit and I would totally wear that suit and hang out in space where there is that vacuum thing, but only if I have a protective shield so space debris doesn’t kill me, because that is one of my lovely phobias and I refuse to let it keep me from my Spark Joy space/Space. I also plan on hiking the AT (Appalachian Trail) with my fellow nurturer and friend MM(she doesn’t deal with diagnosed mental health issues she just has eight kids and is awesome). Now I can hardly go walking for a half hour in our neighborhood without needing to pee but apparently there are devices that MM and I are going to test drive next summer. Otherwise I may invest in a hiking skirt so I can squat where I want and still remain private (although I have a phobia about snakes. Have you seen City Slickers 2?) The other proverbial mountain is the chronic fatigue and dietary restrictions but I refuse to let this body keep me from a goal I’ve had since I was a teenager. MM and I have a five-year plan so I can find the best gluten-free, peanut free, antioxidant rich dehydrated food out there. I tried on a 55L backpack yesterday and I think I like carrying my kitchen/bathroom/bedroom/closet on my back. Call me weird, crazy, but not insane.
Insane is not fun and should not be joked about except by those who experience it. Insane is hardcore Depth living. I avoid attracting it by saying it even in joking (like in the Secret which I haven’t read because I’ve read all the reviews and heard interviews so I get the idea and so many others have written about the attraction theory that I’m not even going to link it here so google it yourself, ok?). I work hard to escape Insane and would appreciate respect by your not using it. Thank you.
I’m so grateful for all my symptoms, the path they put me on, and the people I’ve met (or read about so I think I could call them by their first name. “Hey Arianna.”). I’m so grateful I have friends who understand I may not communicate with them for months and family who allow me to drink green smoothies at the movie theatre. I’m grateful that I have a tribe to thrive with and I’m never alone (does anyone else have unexplained freezing spells after they eat?). I’m grateful for weirdness and bless me I’m crazy (but not insane because that would not be fun).
May you thrive in your journey however weird or crazy it may be.
Some books I’ve read lately you might enjoy: